Are You Stuck? Are you living the life you envisioned? What were your dreams when you were little? Are you living out those child fantasies?
I remember when I was a teenager I’d dream of being a writer one day. I also dreamed I’d be the boy child on Tarzan, Jane and Tarzan’s son—living in the jungle hanging out with monkeys swinging from vine to vine.
Yes, dreams are good, but sometimes they are just that, dreams. Sometimes stuff just happens to derail us from our hopes and dreams. Sometimes life has a way of changing our course, loved ones die, or get sick. Marriages are confirmed—and marriages end.
Perhaps many times love was found and lost. Life has a way of throwing us curves when we least expect it. As my mind wanders I think of this bubbly sweet girl, we’ll call Carolina, sporting blonde wavy hair, crisp blue-eyes, honestly one of the happiest persons I’ve ever met, that is until her marriage fell apart, her mother died, her father died, her boyfriend left, all within one year.
If that wasn’t enough Carolina’s son was estranged, and her daughter passed. Yes, really terrible things. How do you come out from that?
Carolina, no doubt, and with reason, is stuck. She’s in a make-shift cocoon, totally stuck in her own home. She no longer went to the gym. She ate foods that are highly processed, binge watched empty programs on Netflix, all just to numb and escape the pain. And she gained about 100 pounds.
Carolina felt stuck. Is she? No. How do you break out of this spell? You make a plan. In Carolina’s case she reached out for therapy realizing she was stuck in the worst grief one could imagine.
Carolina was not new to me as we’d worked together in the past on living a healthy lifestyle, where she’d turned her poor eating habits and lifestyle in a positive direction. She became a bright star. But, when all the losses came she resorted back to old ways gaining back the weight she’d lost as she isolated and fed her pain.
The first step for Carolina was recognizing her situation was bigger than she could handle on her own. She was sinking into great despair. Seeking psychotherapy to talk it out and work through her grief became her only outlet. Carolina recognized she was self medicating with food and television. She isolated, left longtime friendships behind. She stopped reading books, her once favorite pastime.
As I’d noted earlier, Carolina was a bubbly; a fun happy-go-lucky girl, until tragedy hit. While we worked out her feelings and how she processed the losses we began to tackle her behavior. The next step was to clean up the foods, get outside in nature, and build a support team—no matter what.
We put together a routine that became robotic and healing. She switched from bland television shows to movies and books with meaning to nurture rather than block. Carolina began to go to the gym to make friends, got a dog to keep her company and to walk the neighborhood to meet people, and took a night course in creative writing.
Carolina began to heal. She began to laugh again. Carolina also cleaned up her foods eating three balanced meals and one half-meal daily, filled with nutritious foods. Her weight is stabilized and she’s on the mend. This bubbly, beautiful girl began to heal and move through her very real pain. She’s happy and effervescent once again.
And Carolina’s out there helping others work through their tragedies by giving talks and writing books on how to overcome life’s adversities. Most of us will not live the tragedy of Carolina, but we can get stuck too. Sometimes we do have to step out of our own way. Sometimes we have to do things that are uncomfortable. We have to change what we are doing to get different results. You know the sign of insanity is you always do what you always did, you always get what you always got!
I’m reading a fabulous book, Fresh Passion: Get A Brand or Die A Generic, by Michael D. Brown, which is a book about building brand, but actually it’s much more. It’s a book about presentation and living your best, authentic life. I love this quote, “”When you encounter a negative experience—learn from it. Don’t spend a lot of time dwelling on it—you don’t need to let it consume valuable real estate in your head, because you have so much more ahead of you.” Wise words indeed!
I think Carolina learned this lesson through her negative experiences, and she certainly had an avalanche of tragedy. Her initial response was to dwell on it. It consumed her until she reached out for help and learned she had so much more ahead of her. And you do too…
Okay so I didn’t get to be a girl Tarzan swinging through the jungle but I did begin to put words to paper. I remember when I was a teenager I’d dream of being a writer one day and so I did. What was your dream? Are you stuck? Are you living the life you envisioned? What were your dreams when you were little? Are you living out those child fantasies? Share your thoughts so we can learn from you.
You can leave a comment by scrolling down to the section that says leave a reply. I look forward to hearing from you! I’d love to hear from you, and learn from you. If you want to know more don’t hesitate to pop an email to [email protected], I’d be happy to answer any questions you might have…
Check Out My Latest Books: Release Your Obsession with Food: Heal from the Inside Out Release Your Obsession with Diet Chatter: Heal from the Inside Out And Soon to Launch: Release Your Obsession with Cheat DAZE: Heal from the Inside Out *Brown, M. (2013). Fresh Passion: Get A Brand or Die A Generic. Texas, Greenleaf Book Group Press.
Speaker, writer, licensed clinical psychotherapist, PhD in addiction psychology, eating disorder professional, hypnotherapist changing the view about compulsive eating one addict at a time.