Our bodies are our gardens.
Our wills are our gardeners.
~William Shakespear
I flicked on the light, plugged in my fountain and oil lamp, opened the blinds to let the natural light in and rolled up my sleeves, prepared to dig into my chore ahead.
At the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve, I resolved to clear out clutter in my office and open my work space to rekindle the spiritual energy I know my office for.
I spent an entire day dusting, vacuuming, scrubbing window ledges and shredding patient files older than seven years, so I’d have space for the stack of files behind my chair, heaped on my desk and tucked in the credenza. I had my work cut out for me.
Memories of Not So Long Ago
As I moved in silence, from one task to the next, memories of patients swirled in my mind. My heart ached as I came across several patients who had died over the past two years. We bonded—swapped eating disorder war stories, emotional losses and wins—and grew in spiritual, emotional, and physical recovery.
Like many of you, I’ve lost loved ones, patients, and friends during the height of the pandemic. While cleaning, so many who no longer are here, are gone with only a file filled with stories and events of their lives. So much time we shared over the years through trials and tribulations. So many tears and laughter contained in a safe place in my heart, in my memories.
Caressing Milly’s folder as if she were still present, I remembered the first session of psychotherapy and hypnosis, how trapped she’d become in her body. Milly carried more weight than her short frame could handle. A hundred and fifty extra pounds on her 5’2” frame. Without opening her file, all our past conversations bubbled up within me.
Like many of my patients, Milly believed therapy with me was her last strand of hope to release her obsession with food.
Recovery is Possible
We began our session with the standard questions I ask during the collection of data phase when first working with a patient. Once I had gathered the medical, psychological, family, and work history, I moved into personal belief systems to uncover hidden blocks and buried issues regarding her eating disorder. I asked Milly, “Do you believe you are responsible for your own recovery? Is it the trigger food(s), or your lack of spiritual connection, or both, that prevents you from recovery? Can your recovery take precedence over an addiction to food and an obsession to the idea of weight loss? Are you ready to clear out the clutter in your thought process?”
We discussed different approaches to treating her disordered eating and obesity. I suggested a program of recovery can include but need not be limited to: psychotherapy, a Twelve-Step program, an `anonymous’ support group, the advice of a nutritionist experienced in food addiction, and a prayer group—or a church, synagogue, or mosque group.
And the list continued. I asked, “Which components from this list attract your attention?” Milly opted for therapy, a nutritionist, and a prayer group affiliated with her church and Twelve-Step program addressing her compulsive eating.
It’s my belief if you’re not in peak condition, mentally, physically, spiritually—if you’re not “right” with your surroundings, and comfortable in your own skin, your full potential is stunted. Milly believed this to be true, that in order to open her full potential, he needed to tap into all help available and clear out the clutter in her thought process.
When Health Issues Get in the Way
Self-Care Goes A Long Way!
Many of us undergo serious health consequences because of food abuse. Initially Milly’s recovery from compulsive eating was out of a medical necessity—raging cholesterol—which led her to seek a doctor of addiction psychology for food addiction.
Most of society doesn’t understand or accept food addiction as an actual condition. In fact, people are more understanding when an alcoholic doesn’t drink because so many people don’t drink today, because they have a problem with alcohol, take medication, or they don’t want to drink and drive. Experts recognize alcoholism as an addiction; whereas this isn’t the case with food addiction.
Although Milly reached and maintained a healthy weight, she died at 67 from congestive heart failure, which most likely resulted from lifelong poor lifestyle habits. Sometimes patients go past the point of no return and their bodies can’t repair. Perhaps this was the case for Milly. And worse, Milly didn’t go to the doctors for over a year, fearing she’d get COVID-19. Neglecting her health triggered a multitude of problems that the doctors couldn’t control. She died, leaving a hole in so many hearts, including mine.
Today, my office sparkles, and the space I so needed restored. Although I shredded a mountain of files, the stories will forever remain etched in my heart.
A “House” in Order
As I closed the blinds, shut the lights, unplugged the fountain and oil lamp, I took one last look back at my now squeaky clean, quaint space I so love to work in, and smiled at the thought of Milly so excited when she could once again tie her shoes, ride a bike, cross her legs, and button the bottom buttons of her shirt.
Yes, Milly died before her time, but she died after years of getting her life back—no longer imprisoned by her weight. It’s never too late to get your “house” in order and reach for the stars, even if you only touch the moon.
Is your house in order? If you knew you only had ten more years of life, what would you do differently? What is the first change needed in your life?
Thank you for spending time with me and my thoughts throughout these pages. I hope my words lit your excitement to become your best self for you. I look forward to sharing my next book with you on how to release your obsession with money. God bless you… and your journey through this life and all that awaits beyond…
Thank you for being a part of the reading blog forum of this blog. If you have something you’d like to say, I’d love to hear it. YOU are important and your words need to be heard. I’m here for you.
To learn more on recovery from food addiction, eating disorders, weight issues, dieting, aging, and now money, please check out my Release Your Obsession Series.
Stay tuned…you never know where my mind will wander…
Hugs to you, I care!And now my newest release:
Release Your Obsession with MONEY: Heal from the Inside Out
I learned firsthand and now I’m passing it along to you…
Interestingly, I never before thought of the connection between my life ‘being in order’ and ‘disorder’ as eating. Profound.
Thank you for all of your work on obsessions and disorders. Your blog is most thought provoking!