Today, February 7, 2009 marks the seventh year since my Mom’s passing. Time does go on, I have learned. This morning as I was walking with my dog Sage I was thinking about my Mom and remembering all the good times and the not so good times.
My Mom was a rebel (at least that is how I saw her). She danced to her own tune. Heck, her license plate said: WET BAR. Need I say more! She raised and bred German Shepherds, showing them all over the United States. She no doubt had the most beautiful German Shepherds and won many accolades with her champions.
In fact, if Mom knew about my dog Sage, she would greatly disapprove because she is a White German Shepherd, which breaks all the rules (her rules). I like to think of my Sage as an Angel dog…sent from above, as she came to me shortly after my Mom passed. And what a story it was. Of course, I will save that story for another time.
Anyway, as I think about my Mom and her life I have come to accept why she was the way she was. My Mom lost her father to a heart attack when he was only 42 years old and she was an adolescent, which is a delicate time in life to begin with. Shortly after, she met my Dad, who lost his Mom in his young adulthood. My Mom’s father was wearing belly fat (at least all the photos indicate this) and could stand to lose some pounds. My Dad’s Mom died of a bowel obstruction and all her photos show her considerably overweight. My Mom had a massive stroke when she was only 62 years of age a few weeks before her 63 birthday ( on the eve of Easter) and passed away four years later at the age of 67. My Mom was 5′ 4″ on a good day and weighed over 300 pounds. All three early deaths (Mom, Grandpa, and Nona) maybe did not have to be.
Where am I going with all of this?
I fought weight most of my life from adolescence on. At times I was a hundred pounds over my “normal” weight. Up and down I went. I think it was my Mom’s weight that prompted me to focus on my own health and weight. I believe it was her weight that shortened her life. I began battling my weight as a teenager. I believe today I have an understanding about weight and eating disorders as a result of my Mom’s life and my genetic line. I also understand we don’t have to take our gene pool as the written law. We can change it!
I learned for myself that I could make choices and live my life in a healthy manner, or…I could struggle forever. I decided to change my thinking. I believe in the power of the mind. I believe we can be anything we want to be. I decided to put my energy into learning about the subconscious mind and making a shift. I found hypnosis a great tool to assist with the changing of the mind and ultimately changing the relationship with food; hence the weight corrected.
My weight is now “normal” and I feel the freedom of not eating out of control. I began my journey feeling thin in my mind, to visualizing (imagining) myself thin, to “be” thin and ultimately act thin. My food choices slowly changed and sugar, flour, and wheat were eliminated. It was a process, and I definitely prescribe to progress not perfection. In time…slowly and steadily, my weight corrected, cravings disappeared, and I became quite happy with myself.
On this anniversary of my Mom’s passing, I think about what if Mom would have caught the blessing I did, and she ate clean and healthy. Would she be here today? Who knows! I know I can’t go back and do the what ifs…but I can live in the now and learn from what she did. My sisters (3 of them) learned this too. Although we all work our eating differently, we all three are very conscientious of eating healthy and keeping our weight down. For this, we owe to our Mom who unconsciously taught us what not to do.
Photo taken by: Lisa Ortigara Crego